on being a mom...

i know, i am way behind with mother's day posts, 

but one of the reasons why i blog is to document our life.  

looking back and reading my thoughts years for now it won't matter that it was written after mother's day, right?

 so here are my thoughts on being a mom to an almost five year old boy and an almost seven year girl...

wow,  just writing that and thinking about my kiddos and their ages i am can hardly believe that this much time has passed.  

i am a mom.  i make lunches.  i give baths.  i referee fights.  i help with homework.  i plan birthday parties.  sometimes i stand back and look at my life and feel like my teenage self looking at my life. 

i don't feel old enough, or maybe a little more accurately, equipped enough to be caring for two almost school aged kids.

i remember feeling that way driving home from the hospital with ella.  

i remember wondering who thought it was ok for me to be taking a newborn home.  

with that thought in mind, i also remember being completely overwhelmed with

just how much that little life had already been knitted into my soul.

 today i think about this and that feeling has not changed.  

every emotion my kids feel, i feel it deep within me.  

their sadness digs deep within me and tears me apart...there joys and excitement fill my heart to overflowing.

being a mother really is an amazing roller coaster.  we have our good days and our bad days.  

we have great moments and terrible ones.

there are days i need a little break

but this privilege i have been given to raise my kids is my heart beat.  

i am so proud to be called the mama of ella and julian.

i love you, my sweet ones!